Shoud I?

Okay, fine. I've been thinking about typing this thing because I wonder if some of my classmates read this blog of mine. I've been rationally thinking to share this thing, but the fact that they might see this would scare the shit out of me.


Should I continue this?


Well, I'm just nervous. I'm nervous that they would think I've been screwing them for long but, I just can't take every single day of my life like this. I'm nervous that they would hate me because I have't told anything about it. Aish, why am I posting this again?


Okay, I should continue this. I hope that they'll just respect this thought of mine.


It's been already seven months since the start of school year but I feel so distant with my classmates.


It's just too hard to open it up to all of them, knowing the fact that they all have different ways of coping up, accepting the fact, and responding to it. I've been feeling left out for seven months, and I haven't mentioned anything (well I mentioned this to my best friends at least) to them. My mom tells me that I looked left out with them. I just tell her that I'm not into galas and such but I really feel left out.


I once again feel what had happened to my second year life. The feeling of loneliness, sadness, and silence all mixed into one. But one thing about this that made me love my second year classmates more is the fact that they accept me. I wonder if my classmates today accept me for who I am.


I don't like (although it's better if I say 'hate') my classmates to the fact that I exclude myself from them. I don't like when they're in groups, I mean when they're in their corresponding barkadas. I don't like some of my classmates because they only choose the persons they want to mingle. I don't like some of my classmates because they only get closer to me if they need something from me. I don't like some of my classmates for leaving me hanging, and for blaming me the shit that I haven't really done I really don't have any idea. I wonder if they really like me as my classmate, or just suffering from my presence and waiting for me to be out of the gang.


Sometimes, I think to myself that I should change my elective next year. This elective was the source of everything. If I would have chose another one, I wouldn't be like this. I would be with the ones close to me, I would be with my crush (my close friends and crush are classmates). But what the hell, I chose this path. I can't do anything about it.


Maybe I should just wait for 3 months longer. It won't be hard... I wish.


Off to study the Revolutionary Period. See you around!